Cinema Paradiso (1988)

We only live once. Do you want love or career? Most of us would definitely choose both. However, this is a forced-choice question for some people at times. Cinema Paradiso (1988) is an Italian film that tells a story about a successful film director (Salvatore/ Toto), who never really finds true love throughout the many decades of his life since the separation from his first love.

"When I call you, a different woman always answers. But I never hear love in their voices. I would have liked to have seen you settled, loving someone." These sentences from Salvatore's mother reveal that he has not found true love for 30 years since his separation from Elena, his first love. He is so in love with Elena that he never really ventures into an authentic relationship with others. Instead, he has lived the 30 years of his life like what Alfredo said:

"I don't want to hear you talk anymore. I want to hear others talking about you. Don't come back. Don't think about us. Don't look back. Don't write. Don't give in to nostalgia. Forget us all. If you do and you come back, don't come see me. I won't let you in my house... Whatever you end up doing, love it. The way you loved the projection booth when you were a little squirt." 

He directs all his love, energy and passion into his career and ignores his need for relationship. He does not visit his mother, family and friends in Sicily for 30 years even though Rome is only an hour distance by plane from Sicily. Perhaps, he is so afraid to know the possibility that Elena has forgotten him and has already had a family on her own if he goes back to Sicily, like his interpretation on the story of the soldier who has waited 99 days for a princess: "In one more night, the princess would have been his. But she also could not possibly have kept her promise. And it would have been terrible. He would have died. This way, however, at least for 99 days, he was living under the illusion that she was there, waiting for him." Salvatore has opted for avoidance and displacement to reduce the feeling of discomfort. He avoids the possible dissonant information that Elena might have forgotten him by displacing all his energy into his career and not going back to Sicily.

In another light, his passion towards filming is developed since he was young in Sicily. Cinema is one of the very few sources of entertainment in Sicily. Even the priest, who should place God before other things mourns that "what do we do now? We have no more entertainment" when the cinema is burnt down. Community of Sicily "lives" in the cinema, sharing many emotions and experiences together. They cheer and cry together, as well as celebrate one's fortune in the cinema. Some of them even find their true love, breast feed baby or even sleep in the cinema. The cinema can be described as the place that people satisfy their needs for fun and entertainment, liken to the concept of id.

On the other hand, the church in the community is similar to the concept of superego. The censorship of the movies by the priest is like the superego trying to control the id in reaching a balance. When the movies are no longer censored, the id has overpowered the superego. Virgin Mary statue in the previous cinema is replaced by prostitute. People have sex and children masturbate in the cinema. The power of cinema is seen from this slight change in the movie censorship as it has made vast changes on the dynamics of the community of Sicily.

Salvatore shares the same communal experiences with the citizens of Sicily. He develops his interest in movies and filming through his great exposure to cinema when he was young. As he grows older, he finds his first love. However, Salvatore directs and fixates his passion and energy in his work when his first love takes an abrupt end. Only at the end of the movie, Salvatore is reminded of his longing for true love. And there comes "Fine" on the screen in the last scene, which signifies the beginning of another movie chapter in Salvatore's life, perhaps, his journey in searching for a true love and appreciating relationships. 

Life is Beautiful (1997)

"This is a simple story... but not an easy one to tell."

Life is Beautiful (1997) portrays the Holocaust in a comedy-like way. It is a story told by a son, Joshua about the amazing experience his father, Guido Orefice gave him during the Holocaust.

Guido and Joshua are both caught and sent to the concentration camp. Joshua's mother, although is not a Jew, volunteers to enter the concentration camp. To protect Joshua from the trauma he might have experienced in the camp, Guido makes up a story that they are in a game to win a real tank. Besides, he supports his wife, Dora emotionally by announcing that Joshua was safe from the mass murder in gas chamber. In addition, he sings their old time song to her. 

Guido's lies and his attempts to comfort his wife give a strong emotional supports for both Joshua and Dora. As Viktor Frankl suggests, he has given meaning to their sufferings. Joshua sees the captivity, deprivation of food as well as other sufferings and fears as the barriers to overcome in winning a real tank. To win the game gives meaning to Joshua's suffering. At the same time, Dora is given emotional supports from her husband, which gives her meaning and hope for her suffering. Similar to Viktor Frankl's desire to see his wife, giving meaning and supporting his wife as well as the hope to survive together with family from the concentration camp have given meaning to Guido's own suffering. These meanings they found serve as the meaning-making coping, which has helped them to deal with adversity.

"The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance." ~ Viktor Frankl

Although Nazi army has deprived Guido and family from the physical freedom they should have, they still have their freedom to choose their attitude towards the concentration camp. Guido, with his humorous and optimistic personality, has chosen to help Joshua face the suffering as a challenging yet rewarding game. His emotion-coping focused way to deal with adversity has provided the resilience for his family and himself to cope with the stress.

In another light, one component of prejudice in this movie has struck me. Guido is hoping to receive help from Doctor Lessing to escape from the concentration camp. He feels hopeful when the doctor asks to meet him up for an important matter. However, it turns out that the important matter is a riddle that the doctor is having troubles solving. How ironic it is! For the Jews like Guido, it is a matter of life and death. On the other hand, the naive Germans do not see it as a problem. In fact, a riddle is way more important than a life. The same concepts of just-world phenomenon and the inability to empathize are seen in the capitol citizens in The Hunger Games (2012) as well. For the capitol citizens, the annual Hunger Games is as if an entertainment show and a matter of winning or losing in a game. They are unable to see the larger picture of government's oppression against the districts. Ethnocentrism is so strong in the higher class citizens in these two movies that people are not aware or even ignorance of the preciosity of lives. When people start to see things from only one perspective, they begin to fall into the trap of conformity and eventually a pawn in the prejudicial game.

 "A glass half empty is a glass half full", we have the freedom to lead a meaningful life and live life to its fullest even when we are having difficult times. It all depends on the perspective we take. Life is beautiful, even in times of adversity.

Parenthood (1989)

"... You need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."

Parenting is never an easy job. Yet, many believe that parenting is instinctual and people are expected to behave like parents once they become one. Thus, the best a parent can do is to learn from mistakes. Some people might have a smooth parenting experience while some might be having headache to even have their children fed. At the end of the day, the parenting style one adopts plays a vital role in one's parenting experience. Parenthood (1989) is a movie that portrays parents with different parenting styles.

Permissive parenting style is evident in Frank, Gil and Larry's father. Frank left Gil alone in a baseball stadium with an usher to watch over him during Gil's birthday when he was only a child. When Frank thought that Gil had Poliomyelitis, he hated Gil because he did not like the responsibility of a parent to cater for Gil's illness. Frank's permissive neglectful parenting style has left a great impact on Gil and Gil is determined enough to not be like his father. He wished to be a good father with strong, happy, and confident kids.

At the same time, Frank's permissive indulgent parenting is seen in the ways he treats Larry, his youngest son. Frank experiences refilling of the empty nest when Larry moves back to the house with a son named Cool. Although both his wife and he know that there must be a hidden agenda for Larry's return, Frank still welcomes Larry back. When he finds that Larry is on a huge debt, he agrees to pay off Larry's debt with the condition that Larry stays and handles the family business. However, when Larry suggests another plan to go to Chile and leaves Cool with Frank to be taken care of, he is just being permissive and lets Larry leaves although he knows that Larry will never return home until he faces financial problem again. After all, his indulgence towards Larry is his way of loving his son. Moreover, this event reflects Larry's neglectful parenting style as well.

Parenting role in Frank's family seems to be male dominated as Frank's wife is being passive about everything all the time. Besides, Frank does not discuss his dilemma of whether to help out Larry on his debt with his wife. Instead, he turns to his son, Gil. This shows the dominance Frank holds in parenting.

In addition, Helen falls on the continuum between authoritative and permissive indulgent parenting styles. As a single mother, she always tries her best to get in touch and talk to her children. She does not place much control on her children besides wanting Julie, her daughter to score good in college. Although she feels frustrated at Julie's misconduct of having premarital sex, she voices her worries about Julie when she leaves the house. Perhaps, her slight indulgence is due to her fear of losing the children since they are her closest.

Furthermore, authoritarian parenting style is observed from Nathan. Nathan has strict rules and schedule for his daughter, Patty. He never allows her to involve in non-educational activities or self-stimulating behaviors like Justin's (Gil's son) "spinning around" and "knocking things with head". He wants Patty to get the best exposure as a child and this has led to the marital conflict with his wife, who finds his fixation on Patty's cognitive development absurd. 

Lastly, both Gil and Karen show an authoritative parenting style. They are very attentive to their children and are especially concerned when they find that their children might have some developmental issues. Gil dresses in cowboy costume and entertains Kevin and his friends during Kevin's birthday party while Helen calms Kevin down when he is freaking over the loss of his retainer. At the same time, Gil places demand on Kevin to make him play the baseball. They want their children to grow as a competent one and yet allowing them the freedom to enjoy their childhood.

"There is no end... I'm 64 and Larry's 27... and he's still my son."

Parenting will never end. Once you are a parent, you hold the responsibility for a lifetime. Marriage life without children can be easy and less demanding, like a merry-go-round. However, the hardships and the burdens of parenting can be satisfying. After all, parenting is like a roller coaster ride, which is exhausted but excited at the same time.

 

"You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster... Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!... I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."

Departures (2008) and Grace is Gone (2007)

"Yes, they all (coffins) burn the same way. Same ashes. The last shopping of your life is done by

others." ~ Yuriko [Departures (2008)]

What is the purpose of a funeral? On the surface, the burial of the dead bodies and various rituals seem to do no good since the deceased can no longer feel, think or even respond to the people who do the mourning. However, although the focus of a death ceremony is on the dead one, the purpose of it has always been to help the family members and friends to accept the absence of the dead one, allowing them to find closure and to cope with the death of their beloved. Departures (2008) and Grace is Gone (2007) are two movies that dwell with the topic of death and grieving.

Although both movies revolve around death, the reactions of the people towards death are vastly different. Some of the common responses to death such as despair and sadness, yearning and acceptance as well as separation anxiety are seen in Departures (2008). Emotional numbness appears to be shown in the father of Naomi (dead body) during the ceremony while the daughter is feeling sorrow. Only when the coffin is about to close that Naomi's father break down in tears, accepting her death and thank Sasaki for making up Naomi's beautiful face. On the other hand, Miyuki's death is not well accepted by her family members. Her mother displays separation anxiety as she is preoccupied with the things related to the dead one (color of Miyuki's make up). Additionally, displacement of anger is shown by the mother towards Daigo when she complains about the wrong cosmetics he put on her daughter. The frustration later leads to a chaos of the family members blaming each other for Miyuki's death.

In another ceremony, the death of an old man is celebrated by the people. They leave their lipstick kissing marks on the dead body and laugh. This shows an acceptance of the death. At the same time, Tomeo's death allows his father to finally accept his behaviors of dressing like a girl. Besides, Daigo's acceptance of his beloved's death is shown when Daigo performs the rituals on Tsuyako and his father because doing the last make up and dressing the dead bodies for the last time is not easy, especially it is the last contact with one's beloved, and yet Daigo manages to do it. The funeral and the ceremony allow the people left behind to adapt to the absence of the deceased and to find closure in the relationship.

If dealing with the death of one's beloved is difficult, what about the death of a family member who is already living apart from the family? Grace is Gone (2007) portrays a more complete picture of what happened after the death of one's beloved who stays apart. In contrast with Kübler-Ross five stages of grief, Stanley reacts to his wife's death in a unique way. He first shows emotional numbness and sits on the couch. Eventually, he breaks down and comes up with an unexpected decision to bring the children to Enchanted Garden, a theme park. He does not show denial but only displays his anger towards his brother, John. Moreover, he does not show any bargaining before depression and acceptance. This might have suggested that grieving is a natural response that is difficult to predict and it does not necessarily need to progress in stages.

In Grace is Gone (2007), Stanley does not show difficulty in adapting to the lifestyle after his wife dies because his wife has always been away to serve during wars. Stanley's way of dealing with the death is as if telling the child that life moves on and getting them prepared to accept that they can be happy even in the absence of their mother. In another perspective, I feel intrigued at the reciprocity element of Stanley letting his daughters to do things they would like to do and finally doing things he himself wants to do (tell the news about his wife's death) in the end.

I like the endings of both the movies when memories of the deceased are shared with the living ones. This is seen when Daigo brings the stone letter (a practice between Daigo's father and him) to his baby in Mika's body as well as when Stanley practices Dawn's and Grace's "time of day" with his daughters in memories of his wife. Death is not something bad if we can accept it and adapt to our new lives. Death is just a learning process for the living ones who left behind.

"I promise to keep your memory with us forever." ~ Heidi [Grace is Gone (2007)]

When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

What does it feel like to be an alcoholic?

"Nothing happened, Michael. Nothing has to happen for me to have a bad day. That's the thrilling part of all this. It just comes and hits and runs me over like a goddamn freight train."

"I'm gonna disappoint him. This is not the person that he married."

Bad moods come without a warning. You know that something in you have changed. You are no longer the person you are before your first drink. You feel scared because you no longer know yourself. You might have left your beloved baby elsewhere and could not remember where you left him or her. You might have slapped your dearest child who was worried about you. You feel that you are worthless. This is what alcohol does to you.

If it feels bad to be an alcoholic, how would one feel like to marry an alcoholic? When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) tells a story about the impacts of alcoholism on a family. 

Alcoholism takes a toll on Alice herself. Cognitive dissonance is one of the contributors to her psychological discomfort. She knows the adverse effects of alcohol on her and she realizes that her alcoholic behaviors are doing damages to her family. Yet, she cannot control her obsession with alcohol. The contradiction between her belief and her behavior creates dissonance, which makes her feel frustrated about herself. This feeling of distress leads to more drinking to alleviate the psychological pain, which perpetuates the vicious cycle of alcohol abuse.

The transition of Alice into the rehabilitation center creates changes in the family which affect the family members. Her husband, Michael has to assume his working role as well as both the roles of a mother and a father to take care of the welfare of his two daughters. This results in role overload and stresses him up. Besides, Michael who has been playing the "good-parent" role all these while has to portray the "strict-father image" to discipline the daughters. At the same time, Alice's elder daughter, Jess, who is only 9 years old, assumes the role as a mother, to cook and to dress up the younger sister.

The story seems logic to end when Alice returns from rehabilitation center back to her house. However, it does not. The movie continues to reveal the effect of changes on a relationship. Michael, who thinks that everything can go back to normal when Alice returns, tries to fix the problems that Alice faces. However, his effort actually backfires because this makes Alice feels as if she is the problem in the family that needs to be corrected, which makes her powerless. The dominant position Michael assumes creates a disparity in power in their relationship, which leads to lower relationship satisfaction.

It is only when both Alice and Michael are able talk about their own feelings and to empathize with each other that their marital relationship is strengthened. They realize their love for the others and they kiss passionately again like what they did when they first met.

To love a person is to listen to that person, to accept that person as he or she is and to walk through changes in the relationship with him or her. This is the key to deal with alcoholism and other changes in a relationship.

Chariots of Fire (1981)

"On your marks, get set, go!" Momentum builds up and your legs run. Your heart is pounding fast

and your sweats are dripping. Your sight is focused on the finishing line. You have no idea how close you are to your competitors as you know that it is fundamental in a race to never give your focus to them. You are approaching the finishing line and your body leans forward. Your arms raise and the cheers follow. Racing is a stressful game. The result of runners' great efforts and years of preparation depends on the several minutes or even the few seconds of a race. Thus, no runners can afford any mistake during a race. Chariots of Fire (1981) is a movie about two runners (Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell) who won gold medals during the 1924 Summer Olympics and the motivations that drive them to their championships.

Although both Abrahams and Liddell share the same goal to win the Olympic race, they have different purposes and these personal agendas serve as their extrinsic motivations. As a Jew, Abrahams sees winning the Olympic game as his weapon against antisemitism. This strong drive stems from his feeling of inferiority as a victim of prejudice, which is revealed between his conversations with Aubrey: “It's an ache, a helplessness and an anger. One feels humiliated. Sometimes I say to myself, 'Steady on, you're imagining all this.' Then I catch that look again. Catch it on the edge of a remark. Feel a cold reluctance in a handshake." For Abrahams, winning the race justifies his whole existence. He is very deterministic and is willing to sacrifice anything, including time spent with his girlfriend, to win the respect and recognition from the others.

On the other hand, Liddell races to honor God. "I believe that God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure." Liddell believes that his ability to run is God's gift to him and he wants to make use of this gifted talent to worship the name of God. As a Christian, sports are not allowed on the Sabbath. When Liddell realizes that the 100 meter race falls on the Sabbath, cognitive dissonance arises because to race on the Sabbath contradicts with his motivation for the race to honor God's name. Therefore, he decides to quit the race to resolve the dissonance and this becomes the testimony of his strong faith in God.

Both Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell have strong extrinsic motivations that push them through the hardships in winning the race. However, their motivations fall on the different levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Liddell finds his meaning of life, which is to praise the God. He realizes that his potential to run is God's gift to him. Self-actualization is seen in him. He puts God before everything. He is willing to sacrifice the fame and even the opportunity to spread the gospel that might have resulted from winning the 100 meter race because his ultimate purpose in life is to honor God and obey Him.

On the other hand, Abrahams' need to be accepted and respected by the others falls at a lower level of belongingness and love needs. He sees winning the race as a chance for him to be accepted as an Englishman. He wants the social approval from the others. This might explain his emotional flatness after he won the race because he has always fixated at his lower needs and unable to realize his higher potential as well as his meaning in life. As he tells: "Contentment. I'm 24 and I've never known it", he lacks the sense of fulfillment and he does not know what else can he achieve after the winning.

 

As Viktor Frankl suggested, we have the freedom to attribute meanings to our lives. Once we have found our meanings of lives, we can easily align our goals and run straight to the finishing line in many races of our lives. At the end of each race in our lives, no matter win or lose, we will always win the lesson that motivates and moves us towards our ultimate goal, which is the meaning of our lives. Run for a purpose!

Dances with Wolves (1990)

Dance with Wolves (1990) tells a story about a Lieutenant (John J. Dunbar) who assimilates into the culture of Native American. It has a beautiful title. When we see the word "wolves", we usually associate it with predators, carnivores, creatures that howl at the moon or even werewolves. It is unlikely that we will pair up "dancing" with "wolves". The beauty of this association reflects the humanity in the wolves, which serves as a symbolic core message in this movie.

This film has cleverly used the interaction between Dunbar and the wolves to mirror his interaction with the Native Americans. When Dunbar first meets Kicking Bird, both of them are afraid of each other. Ironically, although nudity always reflects vulnerability, Kicking Bird freaks out and runs away when he sees the naked Dunbar. Dunbar, on the other hand, seems strong on the outside but is extremely scared on the inside. Similarly, the wolf (named Two Socks) is afraid to interact with Dunbar at first when they meet.

During the next several interactions, Dunbar and the Native Americans start to learn more about the other cultures. They begin to exchange their languages and norms of their own culture such as drinking coffee and smoking the peace pipe. Eventually, the Native Americans even adopt some of the norms such as waving hands to greet the others. At the same time, Dunbar has the fire dance at Fort Sedgwick, makes friends with the Native Americans and eventually learns their languages, joins their rituals such as buffalo hunts, and becomes one of them, named Dances with Wolves. The rapport built between the two distinct groups with different cultures supports the contact hypothesis, which suggests that non-competitive, friendly contacts between groups breed understanding and build relationship. This is mirrored in Dunbar's interaction with Two Socks as well. Two Socks who is initially reluctant to eat the food in Dunbar's hands begins to eat the food and eventually becomes a companion that guards besides Dunbar. The "dance" between Dunbar and Two Socks show the development of friendship or family which is reflected in Dunbar's joining in the Native American as a family and a friend. 

In addition, Two Socks watches and follows Dunbar when he gets caught and it is eventually killed by the soldiers. This reflects its innocence and the close relationship between them, which mirrors Native American's relationship with Dunbar. Both Native American and the innocent wolf value more on relationship compared to the so-called civilized Caucasian army Dunbar belongs to. Both the animal who is considered a lower being compared to human and the Native Americans who are seen as uncivilized show compassion and provide help to their companions in need while the soldiers who share the same racial and occupational identities with Dunbar beat up Dunbar. This breaks the prejudice about Native Americans and reminds people that cruelty is independent of races.

Although the storyline of this movie is simple, the message to raise awareness of the misconceptions on Native Americans is strongly portrayed as it reflects the innocence and authenticity of the Native Americans in valuing relationship. Authentic contact which comes as natural and innocent as the origin of Dunbar's name (Dances with Wolves) is the best way to foster relationship and to reduce prejudice.