Departures (2008) and Grace is Gone (2007)

"Yes, they all (coffins) burn the same way. Same ashes. The last shopping of your life is done by

others." ~ Yuriko [Departures (2008)]

What is the purpose of a funeral? On the surface, the burial of the dead bodies and various rituals seem to do no good since the deceased can no longer feel, think or even respond to the people who do the mourning. However, although the focus of a death ceremony is on the dead one, the purpose of it has always been to help the family members and friends to accept the absence of the dead one, allowing them to find closure and to cope with the death of their beloved. Departures (2008) and Grace is Gone (2007) are two movies that dwell with the topic of death and grieving.

Although both movies revolve around death, the reactions of the people towards death are vastly different. Some of the common responses to death such as despair and sadness, yearning and acceptance as well as separation anxiety are seen in Departures (2008). Emotional numbness appears to be shown in the father of Naomi (dead body) during the ceremony while the daughter is feeling sorrow. Only when the coffin is about to close that Naomi's father break down in tears, accepting her death and thank Sasaki for making up Naomi's beautiful face. On the other hand, Miyuki's death is not well accepted by her family members. Her mother displays separation anxiety as she is preoccupied with the things related to the dead one (color of Miyuki's make up). Additionally, displacement of anger is shown by the mother towards Daigo when she complains about the wrong cosmetics he put on her daughter. The frustration later leads to a chaos of the family members blaming each other for Miyuki's death.

In another ceremony, the death of an old man is celebrated by the people. They leave their lipstick kissing marks on the dead body and laugh. This shows an acceptance of the death. At the same time, Tomeo's death allows his father to finally accept his behaviors of dressing like a girl. Besides, Daigo's acceptance of his beloved's death is shown when Daigo performs the rituals on Tsuyako and his father because doing the last make up and dressing the dead bodies for the last time is not easy, especially it is the last contact with one's beloved, and yet Daigo manages to do it. The funeral and the ceremony allow the people left behind to adapt to the absence of the deceased and to find closure in the relationship.

If dealing with the death of one's beloved is difficult, what about the death of a family member who is already living apart from the family? Grace is Gone (2007) portrays a more complete picture of what happened after the death of one's beloved who stays apart. In contrast with Kübler-Ross five stages of grief, Stanley reacts to his wife's death in a unique way. He first shows emotional numbness and sits on the couch. Eventually, he breaks down and comes up with an unexpected decision to bring the children to Enchanted Garden, a theme park. He does not show denial but only displays his anger towards his brother, John. Moreover, he does not show any bargaining before depression and acceptance. This might have suggested that grieving is a natural response that is difficult to predict and it does not necessarily need to progress in stages.

In Grace is Gone (2007), Stanley does not show difficulty in adapting to the lifestyle after his wife dies because his wife has always been away to serve during wars. Stanley's way of dealing with the death is as if telling the child that life moves on and getting them prepared to accept that they can be happy even in the absence of their mother. In another perspective, I feel intrigued at the reciprocity element of Stanley letting his daughters to do things they would like to do and finally doing things he himself wants to do (tell the news about his wife's death) in the end.

I like the endings of both the movies when memories of the deceased are shared with the living ones. This is seen when Daigo brings the stone letter (a practice between Daigo's father and him) to his baby in Mika's body as well as when Stanley practices Dawn's and Grace's "time of day" with his daughters in memories of his wife. Death is not something bad if we can accept it and adapt to our new lives. Death is just a learning process for the living ones who left behind.

"I promise to keep your memory with us forever." ~ Heidi [Grace is Gone (2007)]