When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

What does it feel like to be an alcoholic?

"Nothing happened, Michael. Nothing has to happen for me to have a bad day. That's the thrilling part of all this. It just comes and hits and runs me over like a goddamn freight train."

"I'm gonna disappoint him. This is not the person that he married."

Bad moods come without a warning. You know that something in you have changed. You are no longer the person you are before your first drink. You feel scared because you no longer know yourself. You might have left your beloved baby elsewhere and could not remember where you left him or her. You might have slapped your dearest child who was worried about you. You feel that you are worthless. This is what alcohol does to you.

If it feels bad to be an alcoholic, how would one feel like to marry an alcoholic? When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) tells a story about the impacts of alcoholism on a family. 

Alcoholism takes a toll on Alice herself. Cognitive dissonance is one of the contributors to her psychological discomfort. She knows the adverse effects of alcohol on her and she realizes that her alcoholic behaviors are doing damages to her family. Yet, she cannot control her obsession with alcohol. The contradiction between her belief and her behavior creates dissonance, which makes her feel frustrated about herself. This feeling of distress leads to more drinking to alleviate the psychological pain, which perpetuates the vicious cycle of alcohol abuse.

The transition of Alice into the rehabilitation center creates changes in the family which affect the family members. Her husband, Michael has to assume his working role as well as both the roles of a mother and a father to take care of the welfare of his two daughters. This results in role overload and stresses him up. Besides, Michael who has been playing the "good-parent" role all these while has to portray the "strict-father image" to discipline the daughters. At the same time, Alice's elder daughter, Jess, who is only 9 years old, assumes the role as a mother, to cook and to dress up the younger sister.

The story seems logic to end when Alice returns from rehabilitation center back to her house. However, it does not. The movie continues to reveal the effect of changes on a relationship. Michael, who thinks that everything can go back to normal when Alice returns, tries to fix the problems that Alice faces. However, his effort actually backfires because this makes Alice feels as if she is the problem in the family that needs to be corrected, which makes her powerless. The dominant position Michael assumes creates a disparity in power in their relationship, which leads to lower relationship satisfaction.

It is only when both Alice and Michael are able talk about their own feelings and to empathize with each other that their marital relationship is strengthened. They realize their love for the others and they kiss passionately again like what they did when they first met.

To love a person is to listen to that person, to accept that person as he or she is and to walk through changes in the relationship with him or her. This is the key to deal with alcoholism and other changes in a relationship.